Episode 107

Ah, long time no see, adventurer! Let’s start with a summary and some news. In a few previous episodes, we discussed generational differences amongst people in IT, as well as various personality types and how to deal with them consistently meddling with soft skills and leadership topics. There has been a little pause in my writing since then, but I was quite busy compensating for this by talking! After the pandemic hiatus, I returned to conferences, meetups, and webinars in March 2023 with a new energy, produced three talks based on articles published here, and delivered them at 21 events total in 2023.

I did a bit of reorganization on related parts of the blog as well. You can find the list of events and further confirmed plans on the Talks and Tour page. Each talk now has its own page with abstracts, details, slides, and recordings, both in English and Polish, whenever available. If you have watched any of those, please let me know your thoughts – feedback is incredibly important for any public speaker.

A New Adventure

There is also a fourth new talk, that I just finished working on, I delivered on one external event so far, and I’ve been scheduled for two more events. All my previous talks were based on, or intertwined with, an article or multiple articles, so this is what I’m going to do now as well – write a series of articles to back up the newest talk. The name of the talk is, “Leader in the Land of Dilemmas.” We have a lot to discuss! Should we care more about people or the customer? Treat everyone equally or according to needs? Quick decisions or democracy? What factors should be taken into account when making difficult decisions? How do you navigate the meanders of different personalities, organizations, and a changing business environment? How do you balance time, money, and emotions while maintaining internal consistency?

If only there were some magic box into which, on the one end, we put the description and context of the situation, and on the other, we receive instructions on what to do…

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We will get there. In this episode, we will start our Journey into the Land of Dilemmas with a bit of reflection on the feeling of being lost in the leadership role, whether we are just starting, or we are a seasoned leader. Do you recall feeling like a lost child in the fog? Is it lonely up there on the mountain, despite supposedly having a team of your people beside you? What’s actually a dilemma? How many paths are there to choose from, and why are all bad? What if there is no actual path in sight? What’s with this magic box? Let’s begin our adventure!

Into The Fog

The story of becoming a leader is a bit like the story of becoming an adult. When we are in our teens, we have this assumption, that, once we hit 18, we will become adults – we will be organized, know what to do, understand the world, will be able to buy beer legally, etc. Suddenly, everything will change. Then, one day, you turn 18, wake up, and… not that much changes besides legal stuff. We might hope it will change after hitting 20 years old, then 30, then maybe 40, who knows… They say, that for men, the first 40 years of childhood is the hardest! Miłosz Brzezinski, a Polish author in the area of psychology and business, observed, that, in fact, none of us is really fully adult. We all struggle to handle reality, we improvise, pretend, and try to make ends meet. We are all impostors. We are all children hopelessly lost in the fog. Or most of us, at least. 

The perception of being a leader bears a striking resemblance to the perception of being an adult. When regular employees mind their own business and work, they tend to see leaders as mythical “adults” in the company. They know all the processes, all the people, all the systems. They know what to do, they are familiar with what’s going on in the organization, they fully understand the grand vision and strategy, and they know how to deal with any situation that might be encountered in the workplace. Somehow, this formal position in the company, a label in the HR system, or a title in the email footer magically changes everything. However, much like becoming adults, when we become formal leaders, not much changes. We have lots of learning ahead of us. Even with years of experience as leaders, we are still often confronted with situations where we don’t really know what to do, and all options are bad. We are children hopelessly lost in the fog again.

Leaders Loneliness

When we manage to get out of the fog once in a while, we often find ourselves alone on the top of a mountain. It might seem counterintuitive – we are leaders – we are supposed to have a group of adventurers beside us, so why are we alone then? 

In the end, leaders are responsible for the outcome of an adventure and its participants. Many decisions must be made in isolation, and there are often many reasons for that. We might be under time pressure, and have additional confidential information we cannot share with our team. Sometimes, there are legal implications. Leaders act as a binder between the team and the company and are often pressured by both sides. Leaders might have to make unpopular but necessary decisions. Leaders are expected to be strong, confident, unflappable, and do the right things. We might all be children wandering in the fog, but leaders are those whom others look up to. All of that might be overwhelming and intensify the feeling of isolation. 

The Dilemma 

Let’s leave the peak of the mountain of loneliness for a while. While we continue our leadership journey, we often encounter crossroads. Two paths, and two options. None of them seem to be the right one. A decision is to be made. A Dilemma emerges.

By definition, a dilemma is a situation where a difficult choice has to be made between one or more alternatives, all of which are equally undesirable. Sometimes, there are just two options – our path splits in two. Sometimes, it might be like a maze – we have multiple possibilities – go forward, left, right, diagonally, maybe step back. Sometimes, there are no clear options – we are waist-deep in the swamp, and we don’t see any paths. We might continue onwards, turn and try to cut through a thicket. Or perhaps dive and swim through an underwater tunnel… The dilemma is not always a binary yes and no decision. Even if it is, it can be communicated and taken care of in many styles. Usually, we have two extremes on a scale of what we can do and the whole spectrum of grayish space in between. The real world is analog, not digital. 

The Magic Box

Confused and grimy from the swamp adventure, we continue our journey and encounter a small, eerie hut. The sign in front says, “The Oracle.” We venture inside and find an unusual, intricate device. It has a bunch of sensors, input cables, buttons, levers, and knobs on one side and several displays, lights, gauges, and indicators on the other.

A mysterious, mystical person appears. – I bet you expected Oracle would use something more akin to a crystal ball to find answers to your dilemmas, adventurer. – She remarks nonchalantly. – Well, in fact, it’s a bit more complicated. On this side of the device, you have all the inputs: All the context of the situation, or the dilemma you are facing. On the other side, you will get all the answers you need: What to do and how to behave in certain dimensions. Isn’t it what you dreamed of as a leader? – She looks at you with a smirk on her face. After the initial euphoria, the vision gradually becomes blurry, sounds dampened, and everything succumbs to sweet, cozy   darkness. You wake up.

The Magic Box was a dream, but we can leverage the idea. When making decisions, we operate on the context – several relevant factors in our situation, our input. On the other hand, we have our output – multiple scales with two extremes each and a proper point somewhere in between. Multiple dilemmas. In the next episode, we will explore intricate details of our input – the decision-making context. Stay tuned, my dear leader!